Dissected Knitted Animals.

Today’s weirdo internet find for weirdo’s is:
Dissected Knitted Animals.

I don’t know about you but my Granny never knitted anything like this…

Now there’s something you don’t see every day.

YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!

More and more these days,
I’m getting the urge to just stand the fuck up in the middle of the office at work,
Jump on my desk,
Boot all the laptops in and shout:

“SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!
…NOW YOU’RE TO BLAME!
HONEY YOU GIVE LU-HUH-HOVE, A BAD NAME!!”

– Then just air-guitar my way down to the job centre.

I don’t even fucking like Bon Jovi but that would be cool wouldn’t it?

Ever Answer Public Telephones When They Ring?

Do you ever answer public telephones when they ring?

Yesterday in Glasgow’s South Side,
Anna and me were waiting on the train at Crossmyloof station when the phone on the wall rang.

Me, I pretty much always answer public phones if they start ringing in the hope of getting myself getting caught up in some sort of “Phonebooth” scenario just like Colin Farrell.

Turns out I wasn’t too far off this time because when I picked the phone up a high pitched voice said:

“I’m on top of the building behind you.
I have a sniper trained on the back of your fucking head”.

So there’s me looking at the building behind me when the voice says:
“Would you like to touch my penis?”

AHAHA!
I was busy laughing and repeating what the voice was saying aloud to Anna and two other women who were sitting beside us when it then says:

“Don’t you dare get on that train.
There are people on the way to smash your fucking face with baseball bats”.

Ha Ha!
Kids today eh?
The cheeky wee scamps.

I’m off to see if I’m on youtube.

Happy Birthday To Me?

It’s my Birthday!
Hip Hip Hooray!

Only kidding.
My Birthday isn’t ’till November 2nd but that’s not that far off.
I’d like these books:

Any of them actually.

Movie Review: “Kick-Ass”.

I went to see “Kick-Ass” a few days ago.
I fucking well loved it!

I’m not one for Superhero movies and I’m not much into reading comics either but “Kick-Ass” was right up my Street!

I recognised Aaron Johnson up on the screen as “Kick-Ass” from the film “Nowhere Boy“.

I thought that “Nowhere Boy” (Where Johnson portrayed a teenage John Lennon) was okay in parts but ultimately full of silly scenarios which didn’t actually happen.
I also thought his English accent sounded off.

But there’s me in the back of the cinema watching “Kick-Ass” and Aaron is doing a spot on American geek accent!
I was confused about where this guy comes from and get this!
He’s English!

“Kick-Ass” is loads of fun.
It’s hilarious and over the top violent and makes Sam Raimi look like he takes things far too seriously.
Sam Raimi!

The great Nicholas Cage puts in a fucking star turn as ‘Big Daddy’ and plays it for laughs all the way with a very good Adam West impersonation.


The whole picture would have been Cage’s had it not been for this wee lassie:

Hit Girl“.
A 13 year old insanely violent hit girl who has a mouth like a sailor.
She’s played by Chloe Moretz and I wouldn’t fight her.

There’s no way you can’t have a sequel to this film.
Treat yourself to a laugh and go see it.

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