Because Of A Cat.

Here’s what I wrote on Sunday night as it was happening:

I can’t breathe.
It’s half one in the morning and I’m wide awake and I can’t breathe.

I’m right in the middle of an allergic reaction which started 2 nights ago.
Usually I know what to do to get through it and I’m fine the next day.
Not too sure why this one is different but it definitely is.
I can’t understand why I’m getting worse.

I’ve been to doctors over this and all they can really do is warn you off going anywhere where there might be cats or dogs but that’s easier said than done.

Before I go back to anybody’s house I always ask:
“You got any cats or dogs because I’m allergic and I will die” but sometimes I forget.

Or sometimes I do ask and they say “No” then I get there and there’s a dog and people say:

“It’s okay; you won’t be allergic to this dog”.
Or:
“He’s not a dog. He’s a puppy!”
Or:
“This dog doesn’t shed its hair so you’ll be fine”.
– What can you do.

I’ve had a few of these reactions before and usually this is what happens to me:

* I get a cough which I can’t shake.
* I’m easily out of breath.
* I get the need to scratch at my back.
* I want to take a deep breath but can’t.
* I usually sprint up the stairs in the building where I live taking about a minute.
Last night it took me 10 minutes and I had to sit down 5 times and stop on every level.
* Walking in general becomes difficult.
* I can’t be around other people because trying to come up with a witty answer to “Are you alright?” when you think you’re dying only makes things worse.
* I can’t talk because you need air for that.
* Taking a normal breath is difficult.
* I need to sit up keeping very still or sleep for about 12 hours until the reaction wears off.

It’s basically a fucking nightmare that can put me out of action for days but I know what to do and how to handle it.
Although, this time it’s slightly different.

Here’s what’s happened so far:

* All of the above except I can’t sleep.
I’m drained and want to lie down on something cold but I can’t because every time I try, it kick starts a 10 minute struggle for breath and my lungs feel like they’re going to explode.
* I got pins and needles in my arms and hands which made me put my phone where I can reach it.

Here’s the interesting/scary part:

Because I’ve been this way and awake for around 26 hours now I keep nodding off.
But!
Because I can’t breathe properly while conscious,
I think my unconscious breathing won’t kick in which basically means means…
I think I’m dying every time my body tries to put me to sleep.
It’s pretty scary and probably quite funny to see because I nod off for seconds then jolt awake incase I die.

If I’m ever found dead with a big silent “O” where my mouth should be,
It’s a fair bet that all of the above has happened.

And all because of a cat.

The Polishing & Scrubbing Of Robocop.

I watched “Robocop” last night.

This film came out in 1987 and that year seems like yesterday to me but watching it again proves that 1987 was in fact, a very long time ago.

I loved this film then and I love it now.
I was all ready to write about the dead on social commentary it provided of the times.
I was ready to talk about the wit of the film.
I wanted to talk about the completely over the top excessive, cartoon violence of the film.
In short,
I just wanted to explain why this film is a big shiny metal classic to me.

But no.
I’ve decided to tell you about something else instead.

A sign of the sad and depressing, joyless, politically correct world we now walk around in.

Y’see,
I hate censorship.
If you read this blog, you’ve probably noticed.

I’m very against censorship and “Robocop” has been heavily censored over the years.
Try to catch it on the T.V. sometime, the results are hilarious!

FUCK ME!” becomes “WHY ME!“,
MOTHERFUCKER!” becomes “MOTHERCRUSHER!“.

But anyways,
I was digging around the internet and found a “Scrubbed” version of “Robocop”.
Know what “Scrubbed” means?

Do you see my problem here?

I mean,
“Robocop” is pretty much all violence and profanity.
The violence is central to the plot and yet here’s some guy offering to “Scrub” this film of all those bad sweary words and remove all of those big bad guns for you.

And the funniest thing is,
It’s not even a joke!
This guy is serious about this scrubbing buisness and he puts the results up online.

My first thought was:
“HAHA! ‘Robocop’ with no violence!? That’ll be about 3 minutes long”.

And folks,
It pretty much is.

This guy even lists his scrubbed version as the Director’s Cut.
That’s just cheeky 🙂

Here’s a screen shot of what this “Scrubber” guy does to films:

Before you say “AL! That’s Fucking Ridiculous!”,
This guy has also “Scrubbed” many more films.

Here’s a list of some of the other films he has “edited to remove profanity, nudity and excessive violence“:

The Terminator“.
Back To The Future“.
JAWS“.
Jurassic Park“.
Ghostbusters“.
Total Recall“.
Shaun Of The Dead“.

The list goes on but I can’t because it’s too ridiculous. 🙂

%d bloggers like this: