Nights In White Satin.

I’ve always had crazy, surreal & disturbing dreams.
My dreams are big glossy cinematic prints and images.

The latest dream I had began…

…with a big blue sky.

I was lying in the middle of the road on Riverbank Drive which is a small road just around the corner from the house I grew up in on Forest Drive, Mossend.

I’m lying in the road in my dressing gown waiting for a car to come.
I don’t know what to think of that but suddenly it stops mattering because music,
LOUD music started to boom from the sky.

The Moody Blues.
Nights In White Satin“.

It was as if God had turned on his stereo.

Listening to “Nights In White Satin” I got up off the road and slowly wandered around onto Forest Drive.
There was a big fire.
The house next to mine was up in flames.
Slow motion flames.

The fire brigade were tackling it and a crowd had gathered.
All in slow motion and still in my dressing gown, I pushed my way to the front of the crowd.

A wave of shock hit me when I saw my Mum holding a wee boy’s hand.
– Me.

The dressing gowned version of me then fell backwards and suddenly,
Everything rewound itself and there I was back lying in the middle of the road.

A blue car came around the corner and “Nights In White Satin” suddenly stopped playing and I woke up.

Has the term “Donniedarkoesque” been coined yet?
If not, I’m calling it.

Because Of A Cat.

Here’s what I wrote on Sunday night as it was happening:

I can’t breathe.
It’s half one in the morning and I’m wide awake and I can’t breathe.

I’m right in the middle of an allergic reaction which started 2 nights ago.
Usually I know what to do to get through it and I’m fine the next day.
Not too sure why this one is different but it definitely is.
I can’t understand why I’m getting worse.

I’ve been to doctors over this and all they can really do is warn you off going anywhere where there might be cats or dogs but that’s easier said than done.

Before I go back to anybody’s house I always ask:
“You got any cats or dogs because I’m allergic and I will die” but sometimes I forget.

Or sometimes I do ask and they say “No” then I get there and there’s a dog and people say:

“It’s okay; you won’t be allergic to this dog”.
Or:
“He’s not a dog. He’s a puppy!”
Or:
“This dog doesn’t shed its hair so you’ll be fine”.
– What can you do.

I’ve had a few of these reactions before and usually this is what happens to me:

* I get a cough which I can’t shake.
* I’m easily out of breath.
* I get the need to scratch at my back.
* I want to take a deep breath but can’t.
* I usually sprint up the stairs in the building where I live taking about a minute.
Last night it took me 10 minutes and I had to sit down 5 times and stop on every level.
* Walking in general becomes difficult.
* I can’t be around other people because trying to come up with a witty answer to “Are you alright?” when you think you’re dying only makes things worse.
* I can’t talk because you need air for that.
* Taking a normal breath is difficult.
* I need to sit up keeping very still or sleep for about 12 hours until the reaction wears off.

It’s basically a fucking nightmare that can put me out of action for days but I know what to do and how to handle it.
Although, this time it’s slightly different.

Here’s what’s happened so far:

* All of the above except I can’t sleep.
I’m drained and want to lie down on something cold but I can’t because every time I try, it kick starts a 10 minute struggle for breath and my lungs feel like they’re going to explode.
* I got pins and needles in my arms and hands which made me put my phone where I can reach it.

Here’s the interesting/scary part:

Because I’ve been this way and awake for around 26 hours now I keep nodding off.
But!
Because I can’t breathe properly while conscious,
I think my unconscious breathing won’t kick in which basically means means…
I think I’m dying every time my body tries to put me to sleep.
It’s pretty scary and probably quite funny to see because I nod off for seconds then jolt awake incase I die.

If I’m ever found dead with a big silent “O” where my mouth should be,
It’s a fair bet that all of the above has happened.

And all because of a cat.

Arthur Rackham: “The Sleeping Beauty”.

Hi folks,

I don’t think I’m gonna be around much on here for a while.
I might!
But I might not.

In the meantime,
Here are some of my favourite Arthur Rackham illustrations.

These are from “The Sleeping Beauty” by C. S. Evans and I think they date from around 1920:

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