Homesick For A Place That Ain’t Even Home.

So that’s me back from New York City.
I took several big bites outta The Big Apple and it tastes sweet!

I was over there for only one week and it went past in lightning time.
This was my 3rd time over there and now it’s all over.

I’ve got the ‘came back from New York 2 days ago’ blues.
I’m bluer than Joni Mitchell’s blue face on the cover of her album “Blue“, playing the blues on a blue guitar from Picasso’s blue period with my face painted blue in front row seats watching Blue Man Group whilst punching Anthony Costa‘s face in 😦

One day you’re standing on the corner of 34th and 8th then…WHOOSH!
Next thing you know you’re standing in the middle of Duke Street with a what the hell just happened look on your face.

I’m tired as hell.
I’ve pretty much been up for a whole week and 3 hours after my plane landed back in Glasgow,
I went out on the town to see the terrifying stand up comedy of Jerry Sadowitz.

Needless to say I had the time of my life over in New York.
It feels like home more than home feels like home.
Out all day doing all kinds of interesting things and tearing the town up at night,
I know my way around NYC better than I know my way around here.

I kept a diary in New York which ended up being pretty long.
I wrote it in bars and cafes at night as I wandered around looking for the kind of New York you see in Scorsese films and the good news is that I found it!
I also took around 1500 photographs and met some great people…BUT!
I’m gonna have to tell you all about it later.
I’ll get it typed up and post it all up on here over the next week or so.

So here I am feeling homesick for a place that’s ain’t even my home.
Maybe one day it will be.

I’m Gonna Miss That Crazy, Talented Maniac.

Dennis Hopper (1936-2010).

Follow The Good Word! (…To The Letter).

In her recent radio show,
Dr. Laura Schlessinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a U.S. resident, which was posted on the Internet:

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law.
I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

* Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.
A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.
Can you clarify?
Why can’t I own Canadians?

* I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.
In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

* I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15: 19-24).
The problem is how do I tell?
I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

* When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9).
The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?

* I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

* A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10),it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don’t agree.
Can you settle this?
Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

* Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.
I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

* Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27.
How should they die?

* I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

* My uncle has a farm.
He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.
Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16).
Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia.

(It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian) 🙂

Andy Warhol’s “Little Red Hen”.

If the text wasn’t there to tell me,
I don’t think I would recognise the illustration artwork of the late great Andy Warhol…

Those illustrations are for the children’s story “The Little Ren Hen” and are pretty much the exact opposite of everything Andy Warhol was known for.

Warhol was a book illustrator from 1957-1961 and what can I say?
These drawings just don’t do anything for me.

But,
A children’s tale illustrated by Andy Warhol?

That’s a rare thing.

Famous Last Words.

Know what Albert Einstein’s last words were?
Well neither do I.

The night nurse present at Einstein‘s death on April 18th, 1955 didn’t speak German so no one knows.

However,
The great Humphrey Bogart’s last words were:

“I should never have switched from scotch to martinis”.
Bogart died on January 14th, 1957.

Here are some more famous last words:
(Click on the word “Died” for pictures).

“That was a great game of golf fellers!”
– Bing Crosby (Singer & Actor: Died October 14th, 1977).

“That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted!”
– Lou Costello (Comedian. Died March 3rd, 1959).

“Why do you weep? Did you think I was immortal?”
– Louis XIV (King of France: Died September 1st, 1715).

“I knew it. I knew it! Born in a hotel room-and Goddamn it!-Died in a hotel room”.
– Eugene O’Neill (Writer: Died November 27th, 1953).

“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist…”
Killed in battle during the U.S. Civil War.
– General John Sedgwick (Commander: Died May 19th, 1864).

“Either that wallpaper goes, or I do”.
– Oscar Wilde (Writer: Died November 30th, 1900).

“Damn it…Don’t you dare ask God to help me”.
To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud.
– Joan Crawford (Actress: Died May 10th, 1977).

“I am not the least afraid to die”.
– Charles Darwin (Naturalist: Died April 19th, 1882).

“I’ve had eighteen straight whiskies…I think that’s the record”.
– Dylan Thomas (Poet: Died November 9th, 1953).

“It’s very beautiful over there”.
– Thomas Edison (Inventor: Died October 18th, 1931).

“I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have”.
– Leonardo da Vinci (Artist: Died May 2nd, 1519).

“God will pardon me, that’s his line of work”.
– Heinrich Heine (Poet: Died February 15th, 1856).

“Let’s cool it brothers…”
Spoken to his assassins who shot him 16 times.
– Malcolm X (Black Leader: Died February 21st, 1965).

“Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough”.
– Karl Marx (Revolutionary: Died March 14th, 1883).

“God bless…God damn”.
– James Thurber (Humourist: Died November 2nd, 1961).

“Go away, I’m all right”.
– H. G. Wells (Novelist: Died August 13th, 1946).

“Friends applaud, the comedy is finished”.
– Ludwig van Beethoven (Composer: Died March 26th, 1827).

“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something”.
– Pancho Villa (Mexican Revolutionary: Died July 20th, 1923).