‘The Ginger-Snap Cream’ By Alan Cook.

This story is called: “The Ginger-Snap Cream” and it’s completely true.

When I was 8 years old, I tried a biscuit called ‘The Ginger-Snap Cream’ for the first time and I LOVED THEM and later on that same night, when my Mum and Dad were sleeping, I tip-toed down into the kitchen and I stole the ENTIRE packet of biscuits because I wanted them all to be mine.

I crept back up the stairs in the dark and hid the stolen ginger-snap creams under my pilow and over the next couple of days, I was pleased that nobody had noticed the missing biscuits.

One day, I came home from school to be confronted by my Mum and Dad who were holding up the now almost empty packet of ginger-snap creams and straight away, I broke and confessed EVERYTHING!

They told me that I was greedy and that I should be ashamed of myself. And friends, they were quite right.

When Sunday came, I went into the ‘confessional box’ at chapel and confessed my secret thieveing greedy shame to the local priest who told me that Jesus and God were very disappointed in me and that the only way out of it was for me to say 25 ‘Hail Mary’ prayers, an ‘Our Father’ AND a ‘Glory Be’.

I thought the sentence was a bit harsh but I said every last one of those prayers anyway.

TO THIS VERY DAY, I feel greedy whenever I eat even the smallest amount of food and I also have a problem eating infront of people.

THE END.

Alan Cook. (Age 30).

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I’ma Have Me Some Fun Tonight.

What with the new “Predators” movie getting decent reviews,
I think I’m gonna go see it.
But only after I’ve watched the original movie for the 200th time.

Seeing “Predator” as a kid was a great experience.
It was the first “War” film I ever saw and the first time I ever heard Little Richard’s “Long Tall Sally“.
You don’t forget those things.

“Predator” was also cool because it was about a 7 foot alien hunting down Army guys whose leader was Arnold Schwarzenegger back when Schwarzenegger was the toughest Motherfucker in the World:

After I saw that film,
I’d greet everyone I knew with: “Dylan! You Son of a BITCH!”

During and after school,
We played a game called “Dead Man’s Fall“.
Ever heard of it?

What you do is:
Choose one kid to stand on the ground and the rest of you stand in a line on a high (And preferably dangerous) wall.
The kid on the ground pretends to kill you by any imaginary means he wants to.
You all fall off the wall and whoever performs the most convincing death is the winner!

It was a great game and one of us would almost always go Billy from “Predator”.
Big war cries and imaginary knifes across the chest!

One of the funniest things I remember is a wee boy who lived next door to me called Jordan.
He was the wee Brother of my pal Gavin.
Jordan was only 7 and one time during a game of “Dead Man’s Fall”,
I caught him pretending to shave his face and muttering:
“I’ma-Have-Me-Some-Fun-Tonight…I’ma-Have-Me-Some-Fun-Tonight“.

He was only 7!
Ha Ha!