Ever Answer Public Telephones When They Ring?

Do you ever answer public telephones when they ring?

Yesterday in Glasgow’s South Side,
Anna and me were waiting on the train at Crossmyloof station when the phone on the wall rang.

Me, I pretty much always answer public phones if they start ringing in the hope of getting myself getting caught up in some sort of “Phonebooth” scenario just like Colin Farrell.

Turns out I wasn’t too far off this time because when I picked the phone up a high pitched voice said:

“I’m on top of the building behind you.
I have a sniper trained on the back of your fucking head”.

So there’s me looking at the building behind me when the voice says:
“Would you like to touch my penis?”

AHAHA!
I was busy laughing and repeating what the voice was saying aloud to Anna and two other women who were sitting beside us when it then says:

“Don’t you dare get on that train.
There are people on the way to smash your fucking face with baseball bats”.

Ha Ha!
Kids today eh?
The cheeky wee scamps.

I’m off to see if I’m on youtube.

The Future’s Bright, The Future’s Fucked.

Last month I overheard two teenage lassies on the bus say “LOL” to each other instead of actually laughing.

Yes it made me despair for the entire future of Humans.
And yes it made me want to smash their screwed up orange faces in.

Actually,
Seeing that made me want to smash my own face in but the way I see it;
If you can’t kill ’em,
Laugh at ’em.

I accept that a lot of kids these days are complete morons.

So I went and looked up an Internet Slang Dictionary.
It’s fucking ridiculous and sad and hilarious all at once and here are some of the best ones I found:
(P.S. 3 of these are made up by me. See if you can spot them).

BOBFOC: Body of Baywatch, Face of Crimewatch.

MLOD: Mega laugh out loud of doom.

MWSMIRL: Maybe we should meet in real life.

DIAF: Die in a fire.

ODAY: Software illegally obtained before it was released.

A3: Anyplace, anywhere, anytime.

BUTTERFACE: Everything is hot but her face.

FMNKML: Fuck me now, kiss me later.

CODE 9: Parents are watching.

DYCOTFC: Do you cyber on the first chat?

FGI: Fucking Google it.

BWPWAP: Back when Pluto was a planet.

AFCPMGO: Away from computer parents may go on.

LIWDAD: Like I would do a disabled.

OFN: Old fucking news.

AMIIGAF: Ask me if I give a fuck.

BB4H: Bros before hoes.

CYA: Cover your ass.

FANF: Fancy a nostril fuck?

LOLLERCAUST: An extreme event of hilarity.

IRSOAK: I’d rather sit on a knife.

SINGLE: Stay intoxicated nightly, get laid everyday.

So there you go parents.
That’s what your kids are getting up to on the computer.

This is my favourite:

SOFAS: Stepping out for a smoke.

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