‘The Ginger-Snap Cream’ By Alan Cook.

This story is called: “The Ginger-Snap Cream” and it’s completely true.

When I was 8 years old, I tried a biscuit called ‘The Ginger-Snap Cream’ for the first time and I LOVED THEM and later on that same night, when my Mum and Dad were sleeping, I tip-toed down into the kitchen and I stole the ENTIRE packet of biscuits because I wanted them all to be mine.

I crept back up the stairs in the dark and hid the stolen ginger-snap creams under my pilow and over the next couple of days, I was pleased that nobody had noticed the missing biscuits.

One day, I came home from school to be confronted by my Mum and Dad who were holding up the now almost empty packet of ginger-snap creams and straight away, I broke and confessed EVERYTHING!

They told me that I was greedy and that I should be ashamed of myself. And friends, they were quite right.

When Sunday came, I went into the ‘confessional box’ at chapel and confessed my secret thieveing greedy shame to the local priest who told me that Jesus and God were very disappointed in me and that the only way out of it was for me to say 25 ‘Hail Mary’ prayers, an ‘Our Father’ AND a ‘Glory Be’.

I thought the sentence was a bit harsh but I said every last one of those prayers anyway.

TO THIS VERY DAY, I feel greedy whenever I eat even the smallest amount of food and I also have a problem eating infront of people.

THE END.

Alan Cook. (Age 30).

You May Also Be Interested In…
* There’s Yer Dinner!
* A Sinister Tennant
* My Tragic Fridge: An Update

Larking Around Glasgow Cathedral (PART II).

Follow The Good Word! (…To The Letter).

In her recent radio show,
Dr. Laura Schlessinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a U.S. resident, which was posted on the Internet:

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law.
I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

* Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.
A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.
Can you clarify?
Why can’t I own Canadians?

* I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.
In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

* I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15: 19-24).
The problem is how do I tell?
I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

* When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9).
The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?

* I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

* A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10),it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don’t agree.
Can you settle this?
Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

* Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.
I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

* Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27.
How should they die?

* I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

* My uncle has a farm.
He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.
Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16).
Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia.

(It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian) 🙂