Happy Easter Eggs!

Today being Easter, it got me thinking.

My life has been uncomplicated, guilt-free, rich and full ever since I renounced Jesus Christ and Catholicism when I was 12.
It was honestly and easily the best decision I ever made in my life kids!

Happy Easter to you and yours!
Please enjoy these Lovely Eggs:

New York Diary: Part III.

New York Diary: Part III.
Impossible In New York.

I didn’t exactly get up with a ping this morning on account of the 5 glasses of Wild Turkey I sank last night but I’m really excited about today.

Today we’re gonna take a cab over to Brooklyn, get some pizza at Grimmaldi’s, have some ice cream and walk back across the Brooklyn Bridge.
Taxi’s in New York.
What can I say about taxi’s in New York?

You pretty much risk your life every time you get into a cab here.
Today was no exception.
This guy didn’t know how to get to Brooklyn and we had to direct him a little bit.
But for a guy who didn’t know where he was going, he drove like a suicide!
With his palm constantly slamming the horn, we got to Brooklyn in lightning time!
Heh heh.

Grimmaldi’s Pizzeria is almost under the bridge.
It has one of those “Best Pizza In New York!” signs outside.
Every pizza joint in New York has a sign like that but with Grimmald’s, It might just be true!

I wish I could eat pizza from Grimmaldi’s for the rest of my life.

I hardly ever eat ice cream.
I like it but I don’t have a sweet tooth.
However…When in New York!

The Brooklyn Bridge is so impressive.

It’s a great experience to walk across it and it had a great effect on me.

I thought of the people who built it and the work they put into it.
Looking across the Manhattan skyline in perfect sunshine is one of the best things anyone can do!
You realise that, although Manhattan Island is only 14 miles long and 2 miles wide, it really is the biggest place on Earth.
Understand?

After crossing the bridge we found ourselves at the site where the Trade Centre buildings came down.
The new structure is looking good and so far as I know, They’re gonna make it even taller this time.
Know why?
Because New York has balls.

I had a lot of time to sit and look at that building because my Sister and Mother disappeared into a store for (Wait for it) 5 HOURS!
Is this a record Ladies?

I didn’t mind because that was 5 hours of wandering time for me which took in St. Paul’s Cathedral, a graveyard, some deli’s and the big rusted iron cross salvaged from The Twin Towers.
Seeing a thing like that really hits you like a sledgehammer in the face.

Night fell and after more walking we went back to the hotel afterwards and took in some ridiculously funny TV.

If we had shows back home with titles like “Police Women Take Down” and “Hoarders: Buried Alive” I don’t think I’d ever leave the house ever again!

I maybe should’ve stayed in the hotel because tonight something scary happened to me.
Later on, as ever, I’m out on the street looking around and taking photos.
I spent some time in a comic book store below The Empire State building and drank some coffee in a couple of deli’s.
I’m walking along when I feel the need to pee.
Bad.

There are bars I could go to but I need to pee RIGHT NOW!
I spy TGI Friday’s on 34th Street.
I run in through the side doors and up the stairwell.
Apart from the stairwell I’m on, this building is deserted and all the doors to the bars are locked.
I look through the glass doors on every level of the building and see upside-down stools on top of dark, closed bar tops.
I run back down the stairs to leave through the doors I came in but they’re locked.
LOCKED!
I think it’s about 11.30pm now.

Typical.
I go to New York and end up locked inside of a building.
My first thought was to pee in the stairwell bin but I didn’t really want to do that.
What to do?
Easy.
I’ll just set the buildings alarms off and wait ‘till the NYPD show up!
I didn’t fancy doing that either.
I ran up the building again feeling hopeless when I saw a figure in the dark bar.
I rattled the locked door between us and said:
“HEY! I’m locked in here man!”
The guy said:
“Buddy we’re closed!”
Me: “Yeah I know that but I’m locked in this stairwell!”
Him: “You ain’t. Only one of the doors you came through is locked. The other one is open”

So I was back out on the street again feeling like an absolute idiot.
Ha Ha!
But there was no time to laugh at my own foolishness – I had to pee!
I raced up to The Tempest Bar and things were okay again.

Outside The Tempest that night, I met Kevin.
Kevin is about 46, homeless and tells stories for money.
He’d rob you blind if you turned your back but that aside, good conversation.

I also met Abbie and Brian that night.
– Pretty good people.

Abbey travels around and writes a great travel blog which you can find right HERE.
Take a look because she knows what she’s talking about.

I’m trying to think of tomorrow because tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day and coming from Glasgow where every weekend is like St. Patrick’s Day, I’m trying to avoid it all as best as I can.

Apparently,
That’s impossible in New York.

The Day I Saw A Rocket Take Off.

I used to have a telescope when I was a wee boy.

My Granda gave it to me.
That meant it was pretty good and cost a fair amount of money.

I used to set it up on its tripod out the back and point it up.

I’d look at the Moon and wonder like every boy should and one time I even saw Neptune through it!
It was turquoise.

Other times when it was cloudy,
I’d just aim the telescope at the nearest window in the scheme.
Wondering…like every boy should 😉

My Dad always told me to never look at the Sun with it and I did.
All the time in fact!

I wear glasses now.
Strong ones.

He was probably right but there’s no way of telling.

Later,
Our folks saved up and took me and my Sister on holiday to Florida.

America.

My Mum got heatstroke and couldn’t leave the hotel one day and my Sister stayed with her.

That was the day that my Dad took me to Cape Canaveral.
The John F. Kennedy Space Centre.
I was 10.

I want to write about it here because although I remember it now,
It’s fading a bit.
Like I say,
I was 10.

I remember my Dad that day, getting used to driving on the right-hand side of the road fairly quickly and I remember it being a long, early in the morning drive out to Kennedy.
– American roads.
Big long straight sun kissed highways!

I think it was a 1 or 2 hour drive but we got there and took the tour.

We stood beside rocket engine exhausts that were 50 times bigger than we were.
We saw shiny, futuristic looking dune buggy’s which in actuality, dated back to when my Dad was a boy.

There were rockets and shuttles that were bigger than the tallest buildings I’d ever seen and Space suits which dwarfed the both of us!

I remember thinking:
“How can men make this stuff!?”
“How do they know how!?”
10 year old thoughts.
But here’s me approaching 30 and still asking myself the same questions.

And with 30 approaching fast,
My memory is going away even faster.

The next thing I remember is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

We were 4 miles away.
We had to be because that’s what they said.
4 miles away was the safest distance y’see!
4 miles away behind a barrier.
About to watch a space rocket take off!

It wasn’t planned.
We didn’t know we’d see a rocket lift off that day.
Just luck.
Right place, right time.

I remember being in among lots of other tourists and American 10 year olds (who were all bigger than me) and joining in on the countdown.

I don’t remember hearing the famous words “LIFT OFF!” but I’ll never forget the explosion.

It was mind blowing!

The kind of thing which instantly makes you feel very small.

I had always thought that the smoke trail from a rocket would be a perfect straight line as it goes up but it wasn’t.
It was a sort of swirling reverse pattern.
Kinda like an upside down tornado.

We watched that massive man made thing blast off into the sky…and that’s another thing!
I thought the rocket would just gradually fade and disappear into the sky but it didn’t

Florida was glorious that day and there were no clouds.

We watched that rocket go all the way up and ‘penetrate’ is the wrong word.
‘Break’ is the right word.
We saw the rocket break through the blue sky.

I don’t know how to describe something breaking the sky.

It’s all hard to describe and it’s twenty years later but luckily,
We took photos and I recently found them.

I’ll scan them in and add them into this post in a day or two so check back.

I think I’m gonna buy a telescope again.

Loch Lomond.

Me and Anna jumped on the train in search of some scenery yesterday.
We found it in Loch Lomond.
Hard to believe it’s only a half hour choo-choo ride from the city centre really…

Look at this pair of shifty characters:

It’s funny.
I don’t visit other parts of Scotland often.
I don’t have a good reason for it either but when you get out there and look at the likes of Ben Lomond,
It’s hard not to come over all proud and patriotic.

We took a boat out on the Loch and it took us past some of the islands.


Ben Lomond is the big thing with the snow on it but y’see that wee green island in front there?
Well that’s called ‘Murran’.
‘Murran Island’.

The Captain of the boat told us this.
He said some other things about the island but the only thing I heard was:

“On your left here, you can see the island of Murran, one of the largest of the 24 islands in the Loch and home to one of the largest nudist groups in Scotland”.

Scotland’s a funny place.

See the rest of the photos in the usual places.

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