The Future’s Bright, The Future’s Fucked.

Last month I overheard two teenage lassies on the bus say “LOL” to each other instead of actually laughing.

Yes it made me despair for the entire future of Humans.
And yes it made me want to smash their screwed up orange faces in.

Actually,
Seeing that made me want to smash my own face in but the way I see it;
If you can’t kill ’em,
Laugh at ’em.

I accept that a lot of kids these days are complete morons.

So I went and looked up an Internet Slang Dictionary.
It’s fucking ridiculous and sad and hilarious all at once and here are some of the best ones I found:
(P.S. 3 of these are made up by me. See if you can spot them).

BOBFOC: Body of Baywatch, Face of Crimewatch.

MLOD: Mega laugh out loud of doom.

MWSMIRL: Maybe we should meet in real life.

DIAF: Die in a fire.

ODAY: Software illegally obtained before it was released.

A3: Anyplace, anywhere, anytime.

BUTTERFACE: Everything is hot but her face.

FMNKML: Fuck me now, kiss me later.

CODE 9: Parents are watching.

DYCOTFC: Do you cyber on the first chat?

FGI: Fucking Google it.

BWPWAP: Back when Pluto was a planet.

AFCPMGO: Away from computer parents may go on.

LIWDAD: Like I would do a disabled.

OFN: Old fucking news.

AMIIGAF: Ask me if I give a fuck.

BB4H: Bros before hoes.

CYA: Cover your ass.

FANF: Fancy a nostril fuck?

LOLLERCAUST: An extreme event of hilarity.

IRSOAK: I’d rather sit on a knife.

SINGLE: Stay intoxicated nightly, get laid everyday.

So there you go parents.
That’s what your kids are getting up to on the computer.

This is my favourite:

SOFAS: Stepping out for a smoke.

Your Cat’s Deid.

“Your cat’s deid”.

Remember that?
Remember people used to say that to boys in school who had trousers like this:

Why was that?
Short trousers.
White socks.
Slip-On shoes with tassles if you were very unlucky.

What’s that got to do with cats?
“Your cat’s are deid mate”.
Where did that saying come from and what’s it got to do with this:

Was Michael Jackson involved?

I remember these poor guys at school who constantly had to put up with:
“Here mate, your cats are deid”.

And then later on,
That saying changed into people making a simple gun noise followed by a Miaow.

What the fuck was that all about?
Was it just a Scottish thing?
Anyone know anything?

Funeral Tip Of The Day!

Why not spice up a loved one’s funeral by shouting:
“FUNK TO FUNKY! WE KNOW MAJOR TOM’S A JUNKIE!”
right after the priest says “Ashes to ashes” at the graveside.

Loch Lomond.

Me and Anna jumped on the train in search of some scenery yesterday.
We found it in Loch Lomond.
Hard to believe it’s only a half hour choo-choo ride from the city centre really…

Look at this pair of shifty characters:

It’s funny.
I don’t visit other parts of Scotland often.
I don’t have a good reason for it either but when you get out there and look at the likes of Ben Lomond,
It’s hard not to come over all proud and patriotic.

We took a boat out on the Loch and it took us past some of the islands.


Ben Lomond is the big thing with the snow on it but y’see that wee green island in front there?
Well that’s called ‘Murran’.
‘Murran Island’.

The Captain of the boat told us this.
He said some other things about the island but the only thing I heard was:

“On your left here, you can see the island of Murran, one of the largest of the 24 islands in the Loch and home to one of the largest nudist groups in Scotland”.

Scotland’s a funny place.

See the rest of the photos in the usual places.

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