Because Of A Cat.

Here’s what I wrote on Sunday night as it was happening:

I can’t breathe.
It’s half one in the morning and I’m wide awake and I can’t breathe.

I’m right in the middle of an allergic reaction which started 2 nights ago.
Usually I know what to do to get through it and I’m fine the next day.
Not too sure why this one is different but it definitely is.
I can’t understand why I’m getting worse.

I’ve been to doctors over this and all they can really do is warn you off going anywhere where there might be cats or dogs but that’s easier said than done.

Before I go back to anybody’s house I always ask:
“You got any cats or dogs because I’m allergic and I will die” but sometimes I forget.

Or sometimes I do ask and they say “No” then I get there and there’s a dog and people say:

“It’s okay; you won’t be allergic to this dog”.
Or:
“He’s not a dog. He’s a puppy!”
Or:
“This dog doesn’t shed its hair so you’ll be fine”.
– What can you do.

I’ve had a few of these reactions before and usually this is what happens to me:

* I get a cough which I can’t shake.
* I’m easily out of breath.
* I get the need to scratch at my back.
* I want to take a deep breath but can’t.
* I usually sprint up the stairs in the building where I live taking about a minute.
Last night it took me 10 minutes and I had to sit down 5 times and stop on every level.
* Walking in general becomes difficult.
* I can’t be around other people because trying to come up with a witty answer to “Are you alright?” when you think you’re dying only makes things worse.
* I can’t talk because you need air for that.
* Taking a normal breath is difficult.
* I need to sit up keeping very still or sleep for about 12 hours until the reaction wears off.

It’s basically a fucking nightmare that can put me out of action for days but I know what to do and how to handle it.
Although, this time it’s slightly different.

Here’s what’s happened so far:

* All of the above except I can’t sleep.
I’m drained and want to lie down on something cold but I can’t because every time I try, it kick starts a 10 minute struggle for breath and my lungs feel like they’re going to explode.
* I got pins and needles in my arms and hands which made me put my phone where I can reach it.

Here’s the interesting/scary part:

Because I’ve been this way and awake for around 26 hours now I keep nodding off.
But!
Because I can’t breathe properly while conscious,
I think my unconscious breathing won’t kick in which basically means means…
I think I’m dying every time my body tries to put me to sleep.
It’s pretty scary and probably quite funny to see because I nod off for seconds then jolt awake incase I die.

If I’m ever found dead with a big silent “O” where my mouth should be,
It’s a fair bet that all of the above has happened.

And all because of a cat.

Thanks For That Little Richard.

I’ve updated my funeral music list and the same rules as before apply.
If you’re my friend or part of my family and this music doesn’t get played,
I will come back and dedicate my entire afterlife to haunting you.

Fair enough?

How many songs are you allowed at a funeral?
I want a humanist funeral so I think that entitles me to about 5 or 6 pieces of music.

I don’t care if I’m cremated or not but yes,
I am tempted to have “Great Balls Of Fire” by Jerry Lee Lewis played as the heat gets turned on.
I’ll need to think about that.

But anyways,
Here’s what I would like played (…and hopefully my Spotify links will work):

Miserere Mei Deus” by Gregorio Allegri.

Long Tall Sally” by Little Richard.

Sleepwalk” by Santo & Johnny.

Life Is But A Dream” by The Harptones.

The End Of The Road” by Jerry Lee Lewis.

Philadelphia” by Neil Young.

I don’t care which order those get played in as long as they’re in that order.

Now,
Hopefully I won’t die for a very long time but just incase,
You’ll find all of that music on my ipod and I have them all on record too.

P.S.
For some reason best known to himself,
Little Richard re-recorded “Long Tall Sally” later in his life and put these drums on it which I fucking hate alright?
It wrecks the whole song.
Richard got carried away with the Rock and forgot about the Roll.
(Thanks for that Little Richard).
So the version I want played HAS TO BE from the album “Here’s Little Richard!” okay?

It’s only my favourite song in the entire World.

That’s all Little Richard!

Funeral Tip Of The Day!

Why not spice up a loved one’s funeral by shouting:
“FUNK TO FUNKY! WE KNOW MAJOR TOM’S A JUNKIE!”
right after the priest says “Ashes to ashes” at the graveside.

‘Cyanide And Happiness’.

Finally there’s a book!

I love ‘Cyanide And Happiness’!
I’m getting that book!

These are among The Best!:

Keep up with it HERE.

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