Mouse Trapping In The Hood.

Ever since I had mice in my previous flat 2 years ago, I’ve been obsessed with reading about the little buggers. Although mice are no longer a problem for me, I do feel guilty from time to time about the 8 or so I killed and since I’m completely clued up on them these days, I even sort of admire mice. They ain’t stupid. That’s for sure.

Whilst reading some user submitted mouse stories on Reddit, I came across this one particular story that made me laugh myself silly whilst terrifying and horrifying me at the same time!

Obviously written by some sort of Commando psychopath who has had enough, here it is…

ok, a bit of a long read but worth it. true story.

i used to live in an apartment in the hood and i had a miniature doberman pincher that would keep the mice at bay. after my dog passed away at 14/15 yrs old i took a summer long vacation to take my mind off of things.

when i came back i realized the first night how much the dog was doing to keep the mice away… as i had an infestation of mice. literally hundreds of mice (from the entire building) had sought refuge in my apartment.

being in the hood the slumlord landlord didnt give 2 fucks about it and told me to just lay out some traps.

the second night back i had mice running across my bed…across my chest and across my face as i tried to sleep. as they had got used to run of the entire place while i was gone.

i snapped and got out my air rifle. and sat up late at night perched on a stool in the corner of the room with my air rifle and would snipe the bastards till the sun came up.

i would go in the kitchen and sit on the stove and snipe the bastards as they went around the area where the dog food used to be at.

i learned the patterns that they would run (for example…behind the stove…to behind the dinning table… to behind the fridge… to a hole in the corner. they would run from cover to cover to avoid getting shot.

little fuckers where smart and learned the sound of a safety being “clicked” so i had to have my gun ready and just sit and wait with safety off and aimed at where i thought they were going to run. they learned the sound of bb’s rattling so they would hide if they heard that (so i adjusted and switched to pellets…arrowhead kind).

they learned that when the light was on in a room it meant i could be watching so they stop coming out before 1 am if the lights were on. (i adjusted and got nightvision googles from my uncle in the army)

the bigger mice (not rats, just big ass mice) would send out the little ones to do a “run” as i called it. basically they would run back and forth 3-4 times to draw any fire. if i didnt shoot, they assumed it was safe and then the big ones would come out. if i shot the “little ones” you wouldnt see the “big ones” for a couple of days.

after about 3-4 months of killing on average 15-20 mice a night, they finally got the message or finally all got killed off because i finally had my place rodent free. the first week i would kill about 30-40 a night.

TL/DR: slumlord landlord didnt give a shit about the mice infestation forcing me to go ‘full metal jacket’ on them and thus murdering hundreds of mice over a few months period.”

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Knitting For Psychos.

Do you ever use Stumbleupon?

The amazing thing about Stumbleupon is that the more you use it, the more it gets to know what kind of things you’re into. This is how I regularly manage to find a lot of stuff on the internet which is in short, Fucked. Right. Up.

…Like KNITTING FOR PSYCHOS!

If You Are A Psycho You May Also Be Interested In…
* Home Decorating: Ed Gein Style
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“The Tannery” By Iain Gardner.

“The Tannery” is a short 2D animation film by Edinburgh animation artist Iain Gardner. I caught it on TV by sheer chance a few months ago and it impressed me so much that I was kicking myself for days later because I didn’t record it.

At under 10 minutes, “The Tannery” is a really short film and because it aired at 3am, I wrote it off as one of those amazing little films that you only manage to see once and then never again.

…Ah, but Channel 4
Good old Channel 4 aired the film once again and although it still had the same graveyard slot, I stayed up and enjoyed it all over again. I even managed to record it and I’ve been playing it for anyone who comes to visit me.

It’s hard to explain the film’s simple plot without completely ruining it for you but stick with me, we’ll get there.

“The Tannery” is the story of a young fox in the snow who one day gets his brains blown out by a huntsman and instead of being no more, the fox becomes a spirit and continues on his merry way through the afterlife.

The fox makes pals with the spirit of a wee bunny rabbit and together, they run around in the snow having a great time and occasionally watching the spirits of other animals sailing up into the stars…

…AND THEN!
…Well, that’s as much as I can really tell you but the ending of the film could give the ending of “The Sopranos” a run for its money!

Just like its IMDB page the trailer for “The Tannery” gives nothing away.

Like I said, I want to tell everyone I know about “The Tannery” but it’s a tricky thing to do without completely spoiling the film so I thought I’d do the next best thing.

I tracked down Iain Gardner who made the film and I asked him a few questions and wouldn’t ya know it, he actually answered them!
Enjoy!

Q. Hello Iain! You’re from Edinburgh and I’m from Glasgow. Shouldn’t we be fighting each other in some bar somewhere?

A. Probably best we take it outside.

Q. I was lucky enough to have caught your short animation film “The Tannery” not once but twice in the wee hours on Channel 4. I was very impressed. How long did it take to put together?

A. Uuuuuurgh. Months. 6 months of protracted development, and then 8-9 months in production. Actually, I’m foggy on how many months it took to actually make, as I became the walking dead myself in the process.

Q. When and how did you come up with the idea for “The Tannery”?

A.  Drink. You get asked this question at Festivals, and I’m keen to build on my mythology that a bottle of wine started it, but I was drunk when I got thinking that there might be wee sad souls yearning for the furs that selfish arrogant vain humans wear. It was years ago – the film started as ‘The Fox Who Lost It’s Fur’ and was a much bigger, more epic, story but the practicalities of budget and time meant that the tone of my idea had to come across in a much simpler and shorter narrative – still, I constructed it in such a way that I may still be able to pick up the story where ‘The Tannery’ left off. Still can’t judge from audience reaction whether it’s worth mining that seam.

Q. The film manages to be very charming, sinister, lovely and bleak all at once. Did you set out to shock? 

A. I certainly didn’t set out to shock, and fought hard not to do so – there were many script advisors attached to the film, and their main proclivity seemed to be gore and pain. No, I wanted to break people’s hearts! That was the main experiential emotion that I wanted to channel via animation. I’ve nothing against comedy in Animation, but the plasticity of the medium manages to trigger that reflex within the diaphragm that makes us laugh. Do you remember Bambi? Whether you love it or hate it, and my film similarly has its detractors, but that is animation at its most wonderful, when it engages your emotions and makes you cry. I’ve had a few reports of tears in audiences. Can’t please all the people all of the time, but mission accomplished.

Q. The film certainly broke my heart and it’s refreshing to see a 2D animation film these days. How many artists worked on the film?

A. I’d like to say one, because essentially it was a one man band. However, the wonderfully talented animator and illustrator Rachel Everitt assisted me throughout with rendering the artwork (not in the computer rendering sense, but in brandishing pencils and creating soft lines and shades, much as The Snowman was created), and a team of enthusiasts joined near the end to help animate the Hunter in his lodge (thank you Ulrike Keil), and additional support was volunteered from Andy Macpherson, Owen Rixon, Neil McDonald and David Bell. Not to mention the CGI team at world class Axis Animation, headed by Wiek Luijken with Drew Robertson, Stu Shapiro, Richard Clay and Dana Dorian. So with reference to the actual frames, I’d possibly claim 75% blood from my fingertips, and the rest shared with those 11 talented individuals – there’s also the musical talent led by composer Mick Cooke, and volunteers who helped scan the drawings into the computer.

Q. How big a part did contemporary technology play in the making of the film?

A. There was the CGI work done at Axis for a few moving backgrounds, and all the shots were composited in After Effects, with artwork scanned into Photoshop. But the performances were hand drawn, paper and pencil!

Q. I’m starting to find big glossy Hollywood 3D animation productions almost…too glossy and perfect. What are your thoughts?

A. Come and see the McLaren Animation at the Edinburgh Film Festival in June. You’ll enjoy that. And the International Animation programme. June 20th-1stJuly. Programme announced on the 30th May.

But yes, there does need to be more variety in animated features, but sadly it’s dictated by box office. Rent ‘The Illusionist’ by Sylvain Chomet. Watch ‘101 Dalmatians’ again.

Q. I write and illustrate a comic strip using a black biro pen and people continually tell me to employ software for a helping hand so that I can churn it all out quicker.I feel that the strip would loose any charm it may have if I did this. Do you have any advice?

A. Follow your gut. Who are these people?

Q. EXACTLY! What kind of things influence your work?

A. Time and money!

And alcohol.

I love Eastern European Animation – the fine art created by certain film makers within a certain period of time, not the ‘cooing’ mole we saw on telly in the seventies. Frederic Bac from Canada is an obvious inspiration to me (if you know his work). And I love Jiri Trnka, both as Film maker and Illustrator – it’s his centenary April 2012, check your local cinema (GFT?) and see if you can catch his stop motion films.

2014 will be Norman McLaren’s Centenary, he’s an inspiration  – look out for events celebrating that also!

Q. “The Tannery” is currently going around the World film circuit. Have you had any feedback from insomniacs like me who caught your film on Channel 4 in the wee wee hours ?

A. Well, here are a few of my favourite anonymous tweets;

it was like the snowman only more violent!’

It’s heartbreaking.’

Inadertantly (sic) just watched The Tannery.. Quite possibly one of the saddest pieces of animation I’ve seen ☹ JESH… !’

freakin the f**k out watchin this ‘the tannery’ fox movie! Incredible

felt like I’d been on an LSD sesh

Just watched a sick animation called the tannery. Made me think. Now…bed.’

These reactions probably say more about insomniac tweeters than the film though.

Q. Do you happen to know if Channel 4 has any plans to run the film for a third time?

A. Well, it’s been on four times, and if it’s on again I’ll need to check the broadcast agreement in place for the film! I’d love it to be aired when people are awake next time. It’s been sold to SBS Australia, and I’m hoping more territories will follow suit. Silent film is perfect for international audiences.

END OF Q & A.

Many thanks go to Iain for his talents and for taking the time to answer my questions.
Look out for “The Tannery”.

Here are some links:
“The Tannery” Facebook Page.
Iain Gardner’s Website.
Iain Gardner’s Twitter Feed.

You May Also Be Interested In…
*
Boris Karloff: “Tales Of The Frightened”.
* 6 Films To Keep You Awake.
* Thundercats & Jessica Rabbit’s Dress.
* Al Cook’s “Necropolis”.
 

Extraordinary Animals In The Womb.

These amazingly detailed embryonic pictures come from a National Geographic film called “Extraordinary Animals In The Womb” and they show elephants, dolphins, cats, dogs, penguins and a shark.
I’ve been staring at them for an hour so far.

Dead Flies.

A couple of weeks back I came home to find one of my favourite books lying on the floor with a fly mushed across the lovely dust jacket.
Yep, if a fly is unlucky enough to fly into my house and Anna is home then the fly can flaming well just forget it.

Me,the good guy, always takes the time to put flies and spiders under glass and then I walk down the 8 flights of stairs in my building and let ’em out!
I can frequently be seen at my door with my Outstanding Services To Wildlife medals on, shouting: “You’re free my friends!”

A Catholic upbringing was only useful for the guilt it forever brings me.
Anyways, some people don’t even give flies the quick death a hardback book will bring.
No, some people don’t even leave flies alone even after they’re dead…

 

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