Your Wedding And Cake Were Boring.

I can’t bottle this up any longer.

If I was at your wedding, it’s more than likely that I was bored stiff. I’m sorry but I was but on the upside, your wedding probably wasn’t as boring as your cake.

See, your wedding cake didn’t really say ‘THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!’ to me. It just didn’t. It was nice but like your wedding itself, it was the same as every other cake at every other wedding I’ve ever been to PLAIN. …And I’ve been to HUNDREDS of boring weddings my friend. Hundreds of ’em!

Here’s what I think when I see your wedding cake: YAWN-O-RAMA!

Your dream day is my idea of a nightmare and I’m telling you this as a friend just incase you get divorced and decide to get married to someone else who doesn’t know how boring you truly are yet.

You should take a look at these cakes because if I ever get married, it WILL be the greatest day of my life and I’ll make sure that it’s reflected by my amazing cake.

I bet the couple who ordered this cake aren’t as boring as you…

If you’re gonna be a vain person, be the VAINEST person…

If you’re saying to yourself “That’s all very fine and well Al, but cupcakes just aren’t my thing. The Alien films are my thing!” then do not worry my friend because…

…Or maybe you freakin’ LOVE Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’?

Or how about the clocktower from “Back To The Future” as your wedding cake?
Great Scott Marty!

I can’t really see myself getting married anytime soon and definitely not in the conventional way but I’m not against marriage and some people really do it in style. Max Koch’s halloween horror themed wedding springs to mind, but I just don’t think that I’m the type. If I was, I’d probably have a cake that was along the lines of…

Times have changed. You don’t really have an excuse for a plain old white 3 tier cake anymore so get thinking because I don’t want to be filing your wedding under ‘Yawn-O-Rama’ in my memories’ filing cabinet.
…Although, I probably won’t get an invite now will I?

View all of the amazing cakes HERE and don’t forget to tune in next time folks, where I’ll be telling you just why you’re kids are ugly.


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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Amazing post! The life size cake is my favourite!

    • Ha Ha I know!
      That Woman knows how great she is.
      Total Wife material if you ask me.

  2. Hear, hear!

    With all the weddings we have in work, the first thing I usually look at is the cake (obviously) and I’m constantly disappointed. Doubly so when it’s an off-the-shelf M&S cake they’ve got!

    My friends recently had a really lovely, casual wedding (the whole thing – ceremony included – was in their garden and was basically a tea party for about 30 of us). And they had a cool cake made by a friend of theirs – it had Beaker and Dr. Bunsen on it. It was just a lovely wedding because basically it was a bunch of friends hanging out on a nice day and celebrating. We all had a laugh and there was no formalities – no formal dress, no first dance, no receiving line or dinner speeches. They had a tent with sandwiches and sausage rolls and played their music from a laptop.

    All that and a neighbour called the police at 10pm to complain – result!!

    • Well I think that sounds like a great Wedding!
      A Beaker and Dr. Bunsen cake also sounds brilliant.

      There was a wedding in the Fruitmarket last year which was really cool.
      The theme was sweets and 50′s Rock & Roll.
      I actually enjoyed that one 🙂

  3. The Alien cake. The Alien cake… FOREVER.

    • Because nothing says ‘I love you with all my heart darling!’ like a big fuck-off “Alien” cake.
      Ha Ha!

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