Good Morning Kyle.

It’s 2pm and I just woke up.

I woke up beside an empty bottle of Jack and my friend Kyle staring at me.

“……Kyle? What the…..”

Kyle: “Aye.
So as I was saying,
Keanu Reeves ruins everything”.

Me: Kyle?

Kyle: “See Coppola?
See Coppola’s Dracula?
It was fucking fantastic!
I mean,
Oldman is certainly no Christopher Lee but,
I fucking loved that picture!
I value it.
I value it more than my own parents.
With the exception of Keanu Reeves”.

Me: Kyle? Where…

Kyle: “Matter of fact,
See that Pacino flick Devil’s Advocate?
I fucking loved that!
Every moment I loved.
Matter of fact,
If it was a choice between a moment of my Mother’s life and a moment of Al Pacino in “Devil’s Advocate….
I think you know what I’m saying Al.
But Then!
Keanu comes into frame and Fucks. It. All. Up”.

“The man can’t act for shit”.

Me: Kyle? Did we sink all of that Jack and wine all by ourselves?

Kyle: “I don’t know my friend.
I don’t know.
But!
Chances are,
If you feel that something is wrong in your life,
You can bet it had something to do with Keanu Reeves”.

Me: Okay Kyle.
Okay.
Now I fucking know that we sank all that Jack and wine.

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Kyle does have a point, though…

  2. That he does.
    That he does.

  3. Reeves and Jack Daniels have no place in my life anymore, I’m more of a Jim Beam man these days.
    But Kyle’s point is very valid. Only thing he didn’t ruin was his Bill and Ted films because the character wasn’t very bright and acted like a big doofus, something Reeves can do without breaking a sweat.

  4. arghh… yada yada yada bladah blah.

    whats a guy gotta do?? X

  5. Fuckin right I got a point!
    When was the last time Keanu made yr breakfast right??!!
    Never, thats when.
    Cunt.
    he’d probably surf on yr weetabix anyway.

  6. He has nice Converse though, i have the urge to rob him, you up for it?


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