It’s 2pm and I just woke up.
I woke up beside an empty bottle of Jack and my friend Kyle staring at me.
“……Kyle? What the…..”
So as I was saying,
Keanu Reeves ruins everything”.
Kyle: “See Coppola?
See Coppola’s Dracula?
It was fucking fantastic!
Oldman is certainly no Christopher Lee but,
I fucking loved that picture!
I value it.
I value it more than my own parents.
With the exception of Keanu Reeves”.
Me: Kyle? Where…
Kyle: “Matter of fact,
See that Pacino flick Devil’s Advocate?
I fucking loved that!
Every moment I loved.
Matter of fact,
If it was a choice between a moment of my Mother’s life and a moment of Al Pacino in “Devil’s Advocate….
I think you know what I’m saying Al.
Keanu comes into frame and Fucks. It. All. Up”.
“The man can’t act for shit”.
Me: Kyle? Did we sink all of that Jack and wine all by ourselves?
Kyle: “I don’t know my friend.
I don’t know.
If you feel that something is wrong in your life,
You can bet it had something to do with Keanu Reeves”.
Me: Okay Kyle.
Now I fucking know that we sank all that Jack and wine.