That’s Me Ordained.

Today is Christmas Day.
Jesus’ day.
It is also (Drumroll)…The day I became a Reverend!

That’s right folks! Today, I was ordained as a Reverend. I had some time to kill etc…
And well, Y’know how it goes.

So that’s me a man of the cloth now so just watch it right!
Here’s my certificate:

Proclamation of Ordination.
Thank you Reverend Alan Cook.
Effective 12/25/2009.

I, Douglas E. Hickman, Ordaining officer of the Universal Ministries, do Ordain, Anoint, Appoint, and Select you for placement into our Registry of Ministry as a minister, and member in good standing. Even as you read these words now, I have already said them, and with your request accepted them in the Milford, Il., church in a physical, defacto service on your behalf. You, as with every member and minister of this church, were ordained in a ceremony this date with full rights of minister in the UM. Through your request to be ordained we have granted the legal authorities of the church in the world that faith grants you in spirit.

Print this letter from your home printer. Trim off here for your free credential Showing you are an ordained minister of the Universal ministries. Due to limited staff we only send this one time. After that you would need to make a catalog request for an office issued credential.

Our contract of sharing can only be broken by people, as God ordains unto the foundations of the world. As in God, we have made our documents of legal establishment simple so they become difficult to violate as our goal is sharing forward in faith, not regulating members with complicated words. This means that from this day forward within the Doctrines and Articles of the UM you are granted ordination for life unless you request to be removed, or violate the Articles and Doctrines of the UM, you are a minister and congregational member with the Universal Ministries. This being said, we welcome you into our Ministries of Universal Acceptance.

Let me now remind you of legal facts of ordination. Please understand that IF this is not your LEGAL name, this is not a valid ordination. If it is, there’s no need to worry. We are referring to everything after the “Reverend” part above. This ordination is invalid if it is not properly filled in, or you thought it was funny to ordain someone without permission, a pet, or your favorite rock. We are a real, honest church sharing faith, not just some play site for the irresponsible.

We ordain you as a member/minister of the Universal Ministries in a service on your behalf at the Milford church, not just through an online registration. You are now a minister of this real, Physical Church within the Doctrines and Articles of Association of the church, with all rights and obligations thereof. You are now legally able to use “Reverend” as part of your name if you wish. Assumed names and “taken” names are NOT acceptable. ALL states require ministers to sign legal contracts with their legal name. This applies to your Ordination Certificate and any Marriage License you may sign. If this name is NOT your legal name, please let us know immediately and we will make the necessary changes. Also, if your name legally changes or other information needs to be updated, please let us know so that the registry has your current information at all times. Understand that only your legal signature on a license is valid, and with the church.

If you are an under aged person according to your State or National laws you are ordained today as a youth minister without marriage authority until legal age. The church does not limit this, but the laws of your area. For most people 18 is the earliest age you may sign a license of marriage, other areas may vary. When you reach legal age your ordination automatically becomes full without additional filing with the church. We do not limit you, but the laws of man often do. The license of marriage is a legal contract that requires people of legal age, or what is considered the attainment of adulthood to sign off on. When you reach the legal adulthood of your area you become without needing additional approval a legal minister in all rights.

Below this point you will find various links to site information, and credentials you may request. We do not require that you request any of them, though often others require to see that you are for real. We do not bother you later for tithes, or extra donations as we created this church to share faith. However like every church on every corner of this Nation, we cannot survive in the world without the support of our members. Please consider requesting items to support the church, or joining us with setting up a regular tithe offering that we may continue this wonderful work in the world. Our continuation as a free church only happens through members supporting the church that grants them an avenue of legal authority in the world.

Please visit our Ministries Website at:
http://www.universalministries.com

Anytime and often.
Question About Your Website
Go in Faith
Rev. D.E. Hickman, DM, OSD
Universal Ministries
http://www.universalministries.com

Advertisements

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://alancook.wordpress.com/2009/12/25/thats-me-ordained/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. So, kinkclawz said no, but now I want you to be the minister at my wedding!

  2. this is very cool did u have to pay to become one of god staff and can u do weddings it woud be subreal having you do my wedding i need to find a man first right enough haha

  3. Jesus jumped up Christ, didn’t see that one coming.

  4. 50 Hail Mary’s for saying ‘Jesus’ on my blog.

    That’s right mate!

    You gotta get up pretty early to catch ‘Ol Uncle Reverend Al.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: