Tourettes Rab.

I was thinking about Tourettes Syndrome this morning and how bad it must be to have it.
I mean It must be fucking terrible.
It reminded me…

It’s 2005 or 2006.
I’m standing at this train station waiting for a train.

‘How’s it goin’ FUCK! Alan?”

(Few people actually call me Alan these days).
(Fewer folk call me ‘FUCK! Alan?)’.

Not many,
But fewer.
…These days.

Let’s just call this guy Robert.
Okay, Rab.

Rab was the wee brother of a guy I used to know called T**mas.

For the sake of anonymity we’ll call him Tam here.

I knew Tam as a 9 year old.
Rab was maybe 6 or 7 years old.
A crazy crazy kid even at that age.
A wild troublemaker which he got form his brother Tam & me.

Looking back,
It must have been boredom but No!
Thinking about it,
We were just mean lttle bastards who liked to smash windows.

Me & Tam used to smash windows (A lot),
We set many a field on fire and watched them burn,
We made obscene phonecalls specifically to old ladies,
We’d actually plot out whopping great lies to tell at confession at This Chapel on a Sunday etc… etc…

Innocent stuff like that.

Tam’s wee brother Rab used to (Unfortunately for him) look up to us.

So much so that when I grew up,
My thoughts about what became of Rab were:

(a) In jail.
(b) In hospital. In jail.

He was hyperactive in the extreme, always in trouble and even at 8 years old he used to worry even me.

Some of my memories are unrepeatable.
That’s just the way it is.


Years pass and I meet him at this train station.

Hows it goin’….MOTHERFUCK! Alan?’.

(Did he just say “Motherfucker”?)

Me: Jesus. Rab? How y’doin’?

Rab:Okay. I’m making money and so far, things are okay’.

Me: Rab! That’s brilliant. Y’know, when I was a kid, I always thought, Poor Rab, He’ll never survive jail.’.

Rab: ‘Ah hahahaha.
Well, hehehe, I was out of control back then.
A worry to my Mum.
And speaking of Mums, How’s yours?

Did he?
He couldn’t have).

So we spoke for a half an hour on the train.
After 7 minutes I was sure this guy had tourettes.

So Alan, Your sister,
How’s she getting on?

Me: (Doing my best not to fucking explode laughing then die) She’s a journalist. She’s ….good”.
How’s your brother Tam? Still a maniac?”

Rab: Heheheh Tam!? Tam’s brilliant.
He’s a Fa…Fa…Fa…..TWISTEDNUTCUNTSACK!!!…! Father! now.

Me: A Father eh? ….Imagine that.
This is my stop now.

(It wasn’t).

Nice t’see you again.
You tell Tam I said Hi.

Sssss….Se..Se….See ya Alan

Me: Yep!

I think I spent a good 15 minutes on the train station platform dying!
Killing myself laughing until my belly was sore.
No guilt was even involved in this folks.

It was when he came out with:
That almost killed me.
I think it’s because he just carried on as if it never happened. 🙂
Keeping my laughter in actually almost stopped my heart.

I spoke to people who used to know him and it seems like he developed Tourettes.

Can you develop Tourettes?
Can you?

Published in: on December 10, 2009 at 17:12  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Is this the rich kid that had like 40 guitars that his mummy bought him?
    If so then he tired to audition as singer for my old band a few years back when i was about 26…his name was Rab Steele I’m sure.
    He was on the phone to my drummer at the time and after a brief conversation on where to meet up for a chat, my drummer came back to the band with a confussed look, he said something like “Aye, he seemed like a nice enough guy but I’m pretty fucking sure he called me a “Nigger” throughout the conversation”.
    I thought he was just being paranoid but, when i did meet him, he would utter “Nigger cunt” “Cunting gutting fish fucker” and things of that manner.
    Might be the same bloke, if not then…it was fucking hilarious.
    The funniest thing was thinking of him being a front man and trying to talk to the crowd.

  2. That’s him!

    You’re half right.
    His surname is O’Neil not Steele.


    Steels is a cool surname though.
    Al Steele.
    I likes the sound of that.


    i’d forgotten that apart from ‘Fuck’ and ‘Cunt’ that was his favourite word.


  3. What are you guys GRANNYFUCKBITCH! on about, man?
    I don’t say shit like that NIGGERBREAKDANCINGFUCKSACK!

  4. No, you’re born with it, it can take time to manifest itself to become openly and blatenly obvious. My case wasn’t diagnosed until I was 14.

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