Imagine you walked home tonight from work and when you got home and opened your front door, Jim McDonald off Coronation Street was just standing there crying and pointing a shotgun at you?
And imagine he kept saying: “Why did it have to be MY Elizabeth?” over and over again?
WELL THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THE OTHER NIGHT FOLKS.
I was like “I don’t even know your Liz Jim!”
Shaking with hurt and anger and rage Jim said “Nobody calls her LIZ BUT ME SONNY JIM!”
Call it instict or survival or whatever but I just slammed the door in his face and locked him in.
I could hear him wrecking the joint and screaming “It’s a BETRAYAL!”
I shouted, “NOW CALM DOWN JAMES! – JUST CALM DOWN NOW!”
Straight away he was up at the door threatening to bloomin’ well ‘do me’.
I’ll never forget the way he whispered “Why? -Why did it have to be my Elizabeth?” through the crack in the door which was all that stood between myself and James McDonald.
That’s when it hit me.
That’s when I remembered.
I said “JIM! Put the gun down!”
“You’ve been following me this week haven’t you?”
“Yes, that’s it Jim isn’t it? I’m right aren’t I?”
Jim said nothing as I went on…
“Last week Jim, when I was in the bank, that was you at the end of the queue wasn’t it?”
“And come to think of it Jimbo, it was probably YOU who has been making those weird calls to me at all hours of the day and night eh?”
Again, Jim’s silence told me everything I needed to know.
He broke down muttering something about how she was always HIS Elizabeth and I gave him a hug and said:
“Come on now James, put the gun away. Everybody knows how tight you and Liz..er, I mean Elizabeth are”.
He sat down and thankfully lowered the shotgun.
I tried to distract him by asking if he wanted to watch Eastenders with me and he flew right off the fucking handle and stuck the shotgun in my face again!
“GIVE IT UP JAMES!” I said as he started crying again.
He looked me right in the eye and said “How about ye Sonny? Any last words?”
And that! Is when the SWAT team and cops kicked the door down and arrested Jim.
As they led him away Jim said to me “But how did the coppers know?” and I just laughed and dangled my mobile phone in his face.
“I secretly phoned them when you were on the other side of the door Jimbo”.
The cops told me that Jim did this kind of thing all the time and assured me that he’d recieve a right good kicking down at the station.
That night I picked up the phone and dialed the 1471 service and wrote down the last callers number.
Calmly, I dialed it and Elizabeth answered.
I said “No, Liz, It’s me. How about ye?”