Why ‘Signature’ And ‘Replica’ Guitars Are For Losers.

I’ve been a guitar player for almost 21 years now…

My very first guitar cost my parents 15 bucks. It was a 3/4 sized cherry sunburst acoustic and it came with horrible black nylon, plasticy strings which I replaced as soon as I figured out how. I’ve never ever seen black guitar strings since.

I got that guitar for my 10th birthday and I played it for about 5 hours every single day over the next few years. Regrettably, I gave that guitar away to a pal and the last I heard of it, it had been sprayed with silver or blue paint and as recently as 2004 it was still being passed around by kids in my home town interested in learning how to play.
I wish I still had it.

My second guitar wasn’t very much of an improvement on my first. Again, it was a nylon stringed acoustic costing 25 bucks from a catalogue. It was just like the kind of guitar used in Scottish high school music departments.

That guitar ended up falling off of a cliff and getting smashed into smithereens. Yep. A cliff.

I went through quite a few guitars after that and eventually ended up playing an electric Epiphone Les Paul. It was blue and sparkly and it really was a great guitar. I played it for years and by the time I was through with it, it was covered in scratches and dents and occasionally, blood. The paint below the scratch plate had worn away and the neck had even been broken and fixed but you know what? It didn’t matter because those scratches, dents, dings and breaks were made because of the way I play.

I took great care of that guitar but that doesn’t mean to say that I didn’t use it. Scratches and breaks are inevitable.

Whilst looking at Gibson Les Paul guitars on Ebay today I came across this:

Neil Young OLD BLACK Gibson Epiphone Les Paul Standard Gold Top – Bigsby Relic

Neil Young’s ‘OLD BLACK’!
Yours for only £1299.00!

- Except, that’s not Neil’s beloved Old Black because Neil has his beloved Old Black because it’s his. Nope, that’s a replicated version of Old Black and as you can see, it looks just like the real thing. Every scratch and modification has been painstakingly recreated exactly according to the original.

I have a problem with this kind of thing.
I think it’s a sad person who would spend money on this. Neil Young didn’t make or cause those scratches or (as I believe they are called in the business) ‘distress marks’. Some guy in a factory made those marks and besides, why would anybody want a new and unplayed guitar which is covered in scratches? It won’t make you sound like Neil Young my friend. Neil Young sounds like Neil Young because he’s Neil Young and because he does things like this:

That guitar is not beat up. It just looks beat up. It’s never been played and ironically it’s listed on Ebay as: “A new, unused item with absolutely no signs of wear.”

What we have here is simply an overpriced Les Paul Epiphone. The original ‘Old Black’ was and still is:
(a) Old.
(b) A 1953 Gibson Les Paul Goldtop which was crudely painted over with black paint and then heavily modified by Neil Young.

Do you see what I’m getting at here?
If your guitar ends up as beat up as this cheap imitation looks, it should be in that condition because you really used your guitar over the years.

I also have a problem with the money that is charged for shoddy items like this.

A beat up and broken VOX amp that Jimi Hendrix once pissed on and then set fire to?
- Nah. I’ll take a fully working and un-pissed upon VOX amp that hasn’t been set alight thanks.

A beautiful cherry sunburst guitar that has been defaced by the signature of Slash in thick black marker?
- I think you see where I’m going here don’t you?

I hope you do because this isn’t what guitars are for. Play your guitar every day and before you know it, you’ll have a style all of your own and if the Gibson Company one day approach you to authorise your very own signature brand?
- Tell them to EFF OFF!

You May Also Be Interested In…
* Neil Young’s Sound
* A 1997 Gibson Custom Shop Les Paul Florentine
* A Montecristo Cigar Box Guitar!

Man Down.

Walking home on Saturday night, guess what I found?

You betcha.
A man lying down on the kerb outside my flat.
- COVERED in blood!

These days, you need to get up really early in the morning to surprise me but this was a strange one.

This guy was about 45 and was probably the drunkest guy I’ve ever seen.
He was lying down at first and then when I came along, he sat up.
Like I say, he was covered in blood and I mean COVERED!
I thought at first that he’d been hit by a car but I don’t know. Maybe he got jumped or maybe he just fell over and fucked himself up. I never found out because he was too drunk to even string a sentence together. He kept saying “Polish! Polish!” but then he’d just gurggle.

Don’t get me wrong, he was nice an pleasant.
Considering he had a hole the size of a snooker ball above his eye and a smashed in face, he was really calm and smiley.

I lit a cigarette for him because his hands were caked with with blood and we sat smoking, waiting for the ambulance I’d phoned to show up.
The ambulance showed up about a minute and a half later which really impressed me because this was 11pm on a Staurday night in Glasgow.
Not bad at all.

The guy with blood all over him seemed pleased to see the friendly paramedics and got up too quickly because his legs buckled and he fell straight onto his face on the road.
I thought to myself: “That’s probably how he got himself banged up in the first place – Because he’s howling at the moon drunk!”

The guy winked at me and managed a  thanks as he got into the ambo and I hope that he’s alright now…but y’know what?
He was dressed in a grey pinstriped suit, a purple velvet waistcoat and those 1920′s American ‘Spats’ gangster shoes!

The ambulance drove away and I stood on the kerb like this:
“What?”

 

Movie Review: “Grey Gardens” (1975).

Okay, hands in the air,
I’d never heard of “Grey Gardens” until Anna came around telling me that I HAD to see this documentary.

“You HAVE to see this!” she said.

I was sucked right into this film from the start and I’ve been reading up on the history for 2 weeks now.
It maybe has something to do with the fact that I live alone and can be a bit of a shut-away at times but folks,
I am fascinated by this story.

Grey Gardens is a crumbling estate in the Hampton Hills of Long Island occupied by Aunt of Jackie Onassis,
Edith Bouvier Beale (Big Edie) and her Daughter Edith Bouvier Beale (Little Edie).
Once part of New York’s High Society, this documentary catches them in the 1970′s as their money gradually runs out and the once grand mansion is now a crumbling, overgrown ruin filled with tin cans, cats and wild raccoons.

It’s a tragic watch as we see the squalor these two Ladies live in.
Their days consist of sitting on their twin beds beside each other, reminiscing, bickering, talking about missed opportunities and eating ice cream with knives.
Little Edie is nothing short of haunting as we see her wear upside down skirts, turbans and big fur coats as she dances around Grey Gardens like a banshee.
We see Big Edie sing “Tea For Two” in her sweet childlike pitch and can’t help but think of “Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?“
Oh yeah, and cats.
They have lots and lots of cats.

With the two Edie’s living off of $300 a Month,
Jackie Onassis eventually steps in with the cash to bring the Grey Gardens Mansion back up to it’s original grand standards but it’s not long before Big Edie and Little Edie neglect it again and it’s soon worse than ever.
With cats peeing everywhere, no running water and Little Edie feeding the wild raccoons in the house, you can only wonder how these Ladies got to this stage.

It’s easy to watch this documentary and write both Women off as crazy but you know what I think?
I think they’re just eccentric and labelled crazy because they’re not like most people.

It’s hard not to love Big Edie and Little Edie.
It’s hard not to feel really sad for them too.

This is one of the most interesting films I’ve seen and I recommend it to you!

Some links:

The Original 1975 “Grey Gardens” Trailer.
The HBO 2009 Film “Grey Gardens” Trailer.
The Grey Gardens Website.

Look What I Just Bought!

Detached Villa for sale.

Guide Price £18,000.
1432, London Road,
Former Belvidere Hospital,
Glasgow,
G31 4LE.

Ain’t she a haunted crumbly old beauty!

As soon as I read the description I knew she had to be mine.

Key features:
Grade B listed building with planning consent for conversion/refurbishment into 6 flats.
Situated amongst Keir Homes ‘Belvidere Village’ Modern Development.
Planning permission for 4 x 2 Bed flats & 2 x 3 bed flats.
Excellent Development/Investment Opportunity.

Full description:
The subjects comprise part of the former Belvidere Hospital building. It is Category B Listed and was designed by John Carrick, a renowned architect within Glasgow. The plan shows the site area which extends to approximately 0.17 hectares (0.43 acres) or thereby. The plot o land is irregularly shaped and bounded by a service road to the southern section with the remaining boundaries to be marked in future by terraced housing as yet to be developed by Keir Homes as part of their overall Belvidere Village project. The subjects lie within the East End of Glasgow, approx 3 miles east of the city centre. The site is incorporated/adjecte to the ‘Belvidere Village’ residential development which has been undertaken by Kier Homes. This development is for a total of 490 units providing a combination of flats, terraced and semi-detached dwellings. The site itself is situated south of London Road off Belvidere Avenue. The subjects have full Planning Permission and Listed Building Consent for conversion, alteration and extension as part of the former hospital building to form 6 flats with associated landscaping and car parking. Listed Planning Consent (08/01344/DC), Planning Permission(08/01343/DC). This property is available for immediate purchase.

Next Time On Al Cook’s “Necropolis”…

Hi dead body fans,
Just a note to say that this month’s Al Cook’s “Necropolis” special apperance by Jesus Of Nazareth has been postponed until next month due to stigmata related illness.

However!
There will be two new installments going up in a few days time featuring 2 of my good pals:
…Hammer and noose.

And y’never know,
Good ol’ industrial-sized staple gun may even show up!

Keep your eyes peeled on:

Al Cook’s “Necropolis”.